The Clean Plate Club

Things are still going well. I find I sometimes have problems with the band, but for the most part, they seem to be problems that are normal – something gets stuck if I don’t chew it well, or I drink sooner after eating than I ought to.

My two biggest problems to work on are drinking, and the clean plate club.

See, I *want* to drink after I finish eating, to clear my palate and to, you know, imbibe liquids. I’m used to eating and drinking at the same time, and its a hard habit to break.

I know I’m not supposed to do it because a) it can make food go through my pouch quicker, thus making me hungrier, and thus defeating the purpose of the band and b)make things swell and feel uncomfortable, if I eat anything that could swell like that.

So, its a matter of just DOING it right.

The bigger problem is the clean plate club – the idea that one should eat all the food placed in front of you.  Now, when I’m at a party or a dinner where I can choose what I put on my plate, this isn’t a problem.  I can pick small amounts of what I want, eat them, and if I’m not satisfied with what I chose (and I usually am, since I know my tummy better and better) I can get more.

This isn’t even a big problem when I’m out to dinner with friends or family – they all know I can only eat so much, and don’t want to see me hurt myself or fuck things up. But sometimes, the CPC kicks in and I don’t know why.

I went to Friendlies with some friends, and ordered a wrap. And I made my self eat the whole damn thing, even though it was uncomfortable and a bad idea  to do so. I was almost sick in the bathroom, and I felt like shit. I know, intellectually, what I should have done was eaten half of it, and brought the other half home for lunch the next day.

I’ve been trying to examine why this happened, and I think I may have figured it out. It was not the people that I was with – they were all my friends, new about the surgery, and probably would have smacked me if they realized what I was doing. I think it was the place, being in Friendlies, and the fact that when there, I am SO used to gorging myself that I felt the compulsion to do it.  That’s what I used to do there. Eat lots and lots of food. Dinner, ice cream, and what my friends didn’t finish of their own.

The CPC is such an ingrained habit from youth, and from former ways of eating.  This one is also getting easier to deal with, but it still sucks.
However, in that vein, I have had moments where I was proud and amazed at my new stomachs.  I went to dim sum with friends, and had a small tasty meal and didn’t gorge or hurt my band, which was good. I was able not to eat the deliciously doughy fake pork buns because I realized and accepted that the dough would be too sticky for my band to deal with.

Much later that evening, we ordered Chinese food, and I had a realization about how I used to eat.  I ordered a bad choice of food, chicken wings with fries. However, all I ate was part of two chicken wings and about half my fries, along with one bite of General Tso and a pork dumpling.

Months ago, before all this, I would have eaten all four of my chicken wings, jealously guarded all my fries and eaten all them too, and probably also eaten an egg roll and whatever else I could scavenge.

And at least one can of soda. Can’t forget the soda.

It was pretty awesome to realize how little I ate by comparison, and I was happy about that. Granted, I should have ordered something like steamed chicken and broccoli instead of wings and fries, but sometimes you have to give in to the not so good.

For the most part, I stick to the healthy. I keep a google spread sheet of what I eat every day and what exercise I do – well, how much I walk. I’m still not cleared to exercise, but I since its been almost six weeks, I think I’m gonna call up today and see if I can’t do some yoga.

I started DVRing the Namaste yoga show from FitTV – its a nice work out, of moderate difficulty, and I like the yoga. I also started recording the show ‘Shimmy’, which teaches some belly dancing moves and such.

I figured that both exercises were fairly low impact and easy on my body, which still isn’t fully recovered. They also both will help me get more attuned to my body.

I should be able to start jogging as well, which should also be good. I would like to take some sort of grappling type martial art class, but I have a feeling I should hold off on that for a few months. The last thing I want is to take a shot in the chest when things aren’t better yet.

Already, I’m starting to find more and more of my clothing doesn’t fit, which is great. My sister and some of my friends have pants and such for me which should fit soon, and I’m slowly going through my closet, and finding things that I’ve gotten too small for and putting them aside…and finding stuff that hasn’t fit in a while!

At the last Pleasure Salon, I wore a pair of pants which haven’t fit in MONTHS, along with a shirt that I’d juuuuust outgrown when I started this whole process. They fit great!  I did, however, have to get rid of the pants – previous chub rub had worn away at the thighs and caused some chaffing. (Sorry Ms. Lily, I think that’s why my ass and thighs were sore, not the paddle, lol.)

Pleasure Salon was also great because I had been away so long – many of my friends there hadn’t seen me since November’s party, and apparently I look MUCH different. Everyone was complimenting me. I’m shallow, I loved it. ^_^
But I feel good, I’m moving and hopping and bouncing and happy! I feel like I’m making great headway, and that 2009 is going to fucking ROCK.